My Experience at Valkenberg

Depression? What's that? Everyone gets depressed once in a while. Suck it up, it's called life. We all think we have been depressed before, until you get depressed. I am not talking about sadness, I am talking about the clinical illness called Depression. Depression is by far one of the most common mental illnesses in the world. The world health organisation states that it will be the biggest cause of disability in the world by 2050. I would have never "believed" in Depression, and would have dismissed it as a "lazy person's excuse" until I was hit by it. In 2013 as I was doing my final year in undergrad., I started finding it hard to maintain conversation with people. I struggled to get out of bed, lacked confidence, had low self-esteem, and struggled to work. I thought I was just tired and needed a break, or that I was being lazy and need a few cups of coffee to jolt me awake and keep me working. But as time progressed, so did my symptoms. In 2014, I started my post grad. studies. I took hours to get out of bed. I didn’t submit academic reports and outstanding work. I avoided going to campus, and even broke down crying in front of my class when I was presenting to them. You might be thinking to yourself "this person definitely went through some traumatic experience". And the answer is no. I have the most loving parents, a caring brother, and an awesome group of friends. I had no problems financially, I was never abused, never went through any trauma, never abused drugs.... When I found myself sleeping most of the day, crying almost every day for no reason, sitting in my car for hours before I could get out of it, not showering for days or even a week, I knew that there was something wrong.… I started to realise that this is Depression. Over time, I was able to get help from psychologists, psychiatrists and other professionals. I went through 10 different types of medication, before I found the right combination. Every time I had to change medication I felt like my Depression was incurable and whatever I did, whatever medication I took wouldn’t help me. But it did. After 3 years, including 2 months of admission to Valkenberg, I emerged feeling better than I have felt in years. And here I sit, having finished my masters, looking to the future. The future previously seemed so dark, suicide seemed inescapable. In those dark times, I could never see the light. I could not even imagine what light looks like. My outlook is vastly different now, I wake up with enthusiasm. I want to hike, and run and take photos. I want to see my friends, and I want to live into the future. Seems like the light does exist. But there are a few factors I want to raise: My story would have been very different if I hadn't read about Depression and read people's experiences of it . I read a story of a husband who was so deeply depressed that he would come home from work, and cry every day before putting on a face to meet his wife. He was afraid to tell his wife that he suffered from Depression. He felt that it would make him look weak, and his wife would seek a divorce. Twenty years in, he had enough. He went to his wife and told her what was wrong. And do you know what the wife did? She helped him seek professional help. And 3 years later, he was well again. Imagine that! A person suffering in silence because he was afraid that having Depression would make him look weak in front of his wife. Story after story told me that keeping quiet about this illness is the worst thing I could do. I started speaking about it openly. I told my friends, my family. I told people I had just met (if it was appropriate). I spoke about the antidepressants I talked about my experiences at Valkenberg. I spoke about it the way people spoke about the common cold. And do you know what happened? I made friends. People felt closer to me. My family and I bonded more. My friends confided in me. People who have never spoke about their experiences of Depression spoke up and sought help. I owe a lot of my recovery to my psychologist and to the people at Valkenberg. Valkenberg looks at Depression holistically. They help fix your sleeping cycle, make you exercise, teach you mindfulness meditation, give you medication, look at how you experience life and the group sessions look at how you conduct yourself in society and teach you life skills. Once a week, we also got a chance to get in touch with our creative side and paint or build mosaics.. I strongly believe that it is the best place to get admitted if you suffer from Anxiety or Depression. Gokul Nair, 2017